Perfect?

Okay, the word 'perfect' might be overrated, but I did have a nearly perfect day.

It was yesterday, on September 19th.

I had been in a very tense and heart-breaking situation for a few days. I had to see my beloved one suffering from a quite severe illness. My Dad. The one I consider as my best friend in the house, the one that lights up the whole house, the one I look up to, the one I can never imagine to live my life without. He got a heart-attack while driving alone, and he was brought to the hospital immediately.

When that happened, I was in a friend's house which was very far from home. I was about to have fun. When I found out, I could barely think of anything else except going to the hospital right at that moment. I told my friends, tried to hold the tears from coming down, and stormed away to get a taxi. I didn't care how much it'd cost me, I didn't care how far I was from the hospital. I just knew that I had to be there as soon as possible.

Long story short, my dad's heart needed to be planted 2 more stents. He already had 2 stents and 2 ballons inside his blood vessels near the heart 6 years ago when he had his first heart-attack. And the process of installing those stents was held yesterday, on September 19th. It was my birthday. I had never imagined having a birthday in the hospital in such tense circumstances. But seriously, I didn't care about my birthday, I even almost forgot about it. 

So, yesterday I woke up in the hospital with total awareness that it was my birthday, apparently so was my mother. She wished me a happy birthday and followed by my dad. He was conscious and he looked much better. I knew my dad had to go to the operation room soon. But, my mom told me to get out from the room and take a walk because I had flu. And when I walked by myself while whispering prayers for my dad, he called. He told me that he had already been summoned to the O.R. I was shocked, I worried. I ran away to accompany my mom who apparently was more concerned than I was. I had to calm her.

About 2 hours later, he came to the room and he looked so much better even though I knew he was kinda tired. I was so relieved, I was happy. He was fine, nothing went wrong and 2 stents had been installed nicely in his heart. I couldn't hold my tears as I prayed and thanked God when I was alone.
It was the best gift ever. 

Although it was enough for me to call it a happy birthday, the day was not over yet.

At about 8pm, someone knocked the door and I opened it. It was a friend of mine who I didn't expect to come at all. He told me that there were other friends outside the ICCU and they were not allowed to come in because there were too many of them. So I went out and found out that there were a dozen of them coming to the hospital to wish me a happy birthday and to visit my dad. Although I was bad at expressing my emotion, my heart melted. I could only say how happy I was and I could only thank them for coming. But honestly, inside my heart, I was so surprised and touched by what they did to me. 

I just had the best birthday in my 20 years of living.

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I cannot lie that it was one of the saddest moments in my life so far.

But I was so blessed to have those people that brightened up my darkest days.

And dear God, thanks for all the ease that made the process my dad had to go through go smoothly.

I am grateful. I am happy.

I was trapped in my mind

The wind touches everything it sees

Blowing them as if they were as light as feather

Giving me the picture of my life in slow-motion

Allowing me to breath even more deeply and see pictures with my eyes closed as if I am blindfolded

A small yet vibrant house that I call home

Familiar faces that I always carry in mind wherever I go

Warm laughter which fulfills the everyday life there

I realize I haven't been there for a while, to taste the warmth and happiness it always offers

I then suddenly feel the need of being there. I miss it.

Then the picture changes,

It changes to hundred of other pictures I recall from my memory

Lots of smiling faces, and the feel of warm hugs I've been given

The feel of cold tears streaming down my face

Happy moments, hurtful moments

I see vibrant colours that represent my emotions

I see people from my past in their best look and expression

Oh God, I am happy.

As I smile, the picture starts to change again,

To a very different surrounding that I didn't expect before

It changes to many different situations which have occurred in the last 2 years

To a set of pictures that reflect the atmosphere that links to my life lately

In those many pictures, I begin to see the face of a boy I am familiar with

The one I feel comfortable with

The one that makes me feel that it's okay to be me

I remember the way he makes me feel that I don't have to be pretty in front of him

I remember how we share laughter and tears during our conversation and still be stupid

The one that I can say is close to my heart

Or perhaps, he has taken a cozy little spot there

An imaginary move my heart cannot even refuse

I remember how I always enjoy talking to him

Or how I always tell him to do things that can actually push myself further from my expectation

....but somehow I am glad to see the smiles that I make appear on his face

I seriously am sincere to give him anything that makes him smile, that makes him feel glad

Even if it drives me away from what I desire, it still feels easy.
And the best part is: I am happy.

I haven't given up on my ability to reach you, to feel you within my grasp. Yet it's not what I push to happen. Because if it's meant to be, it will be. Now I sincerely will always work on making the smiles keep appearing from your face. It's not hard, it feels sincerely easy.

Perhaps, happiness is an overrated word. 

Perhaps, my happiness now is as easy as not being selfish and be around the happy you.