........

Last night i was having a very long chat with my sister. Well, actually I'm not that close to her. I mean, we're close, but not as close as I am with my brother. That long talk led me to imagine many things. I'm grateful of who I am and what I've got, I really am. But last night was a great night. I didn't regret that I barely had enough time to study History for today's exam, I enjoyed it and it was worth it.

We talked about 'those' happy and lucky people. I'm sure they're the best. All the story kak Titis told me dazzled me. The touching one and even the annoying one. The touching one made me cry, yes i'm easy to cry. (Everytime I hear, watch, see or feel a very sensitive; sad, touching, overwhelming condition, my tears just easily stream down my face and I just can't handle).

There's this lucky girl, very lucky and I believe strongly that she's potential. But kak Titis told me that she refused her luck. She cancelled every plan she had made and every effort she had been through. It's insane! Yea, considering there are many many pupils out there craving to have the luck to get that rare chance, maybe including me.

And I understand perfectly the disappointment kak Titis felt. I'm sure there's no error in judgement, and I'm sure that they are worth it but it might be just because the timing was not right. Maybe that's why they were unable to show their real potential.

It's the best they can get, and I'm sure they're the best ones to be given that opportunity. When I knew I failed, I was sad, but I do believe that's the best Allah wants me to get. And I believe also that I'll have my own way. And I'm proud of myself for being much more mature that I was before. I'm grateful of the life I've got. And I just can't tell you how balance my life is in these last 3months..........

Life is great when you see it from the right point of view :)

Thanks, you really made my day! :)

Yesterday : I went to airport, saying goodbye to Dita, Luna and Zarvan. And then I went to Senayan City to watch 'The Proposal' with him. The movie was crazy and okay. I enjoyed it, I really did. Thanks! I perfectly understand that it was just not right, but honestly you really made my day. Yesterday was so much fun! I'm waiting, you know........ waiting everything to change, I love you and if only it were just enough. We are working on getting this fixed, aren't we?

Beberapa hal yg bisa gue kasih tau

Hello! Thanks for your comment on my latest post. Thanks also for congratulating me. I really appreciate it! :)

Oke, selama beberapa hari ini gue merasa terjadi perubahan besar dari diri gue. Salah satunya mungkin status. Gue ga akan jelasin secara detil gimana proses ataupun alesannya, karena gue ga yakin semua pd ngerti gmn posisi gue..

Gue cuma mau bilang bahwa it's never been easy for me. Kita sama2 tau apa kesalahan kita, tapi apa kita mampu ngerubahnya atau....... memperbaikinya? Kita berusaha bertanya pada diri sendiri, dan berusaha nyari jalan yg terbaik. Tapi gue tau dan sadar, yg terbaik yg Allah kasih belum tentu jadi hal yg menyenangkan buat kita..

Suer, ini ga gampang, gue jg ga bilang that the fault was entirely his own. Gue ga menutup diri buat balik, tapi kalo emang itu terjadi gue pribadi berharap kita bisa mulai dari nol. Kita harus sama2 dewasa, mesti ngerti satu sama lain, toleransi, atur emosi dan sama2 berusaha peka sama kondisi satu sama lain.
1tahun itu lama loh, dan jangka waktu itu udah bikin hidup gue berubah. Gue ga mau munafik, gue emang masih sayang sayang sama dia. Masalahnya, bukan cuma sayang yg dibutuhin dalam suatu hubungan.
Mungkin beberapa orang bisa bertahan hanya dengan rasa sayang, tapi gue ngga. Butuh banyak faktor pendukung lain selain perasaan.

Selama 1tahun tentu aja udah banyak bgt kesempatan2 buat lbh memperbaiki diri masing2. Tapi ternyata sama2 dari kita ga bisa manfaatin kesempatan itu. Kesempatan udah dateng lebih dari 2kali, tapi ga bisa dong kita terus2an berharap sama kesempatan2 yg sebenernya belum tentu selalu ada lagi.

Hm, mungkin cukup itu aja yg perlu gue tulis di sini. Semoga ga ada pandangan2 negatif lagi, dan semoga juga ini bisa membuat semuanya jadi lebih clear. Thanks :)

-Binar S. Suryandari-

BRONZE, it's way beyond my expectation

I got bronze medal in my Economy Olympiad, and for me it's way too cool because it's beyond my expectation! Alhamdulillah......................................... Thanks for your support, friends!

August 8th

Hello, happy 1st anniversary for me and Avian! :)

My OSN week

Hellooooooooo! Right now, I'm at the hotel where I have to stay during my OSN test. Thanks to Allah, it's almost done! The test was horribly difficult, especially the essay part. And the most nervous part is when I had to do my makalah presentation in front of the juries.

But I'm really happy to know that in 3 days I will start my 'normal' routine again. Maybe not so normal, knowing that I haven't studied anything in my class, and it means I have to study harder than my other friends to get all the knowledge and lesson they've learnt.

Tomorrow is the announcement day. I'm not nervous at all. Because at least I can have this great experience, meeting many pupils from all around Indonesia, seeing how money is printed, having the simulation games of stocks in Indonesia Stock Exchange, going to Bank of Indonesia and many more. It's been crazily great..

I'm going home on Sunday, and I'm very excited about it. Can't wait to have my normal routine again! See you in school folks!

-Binar S. Suryandari, SMA Negeri 8, D.K.I. Jakarta-

Can't feel anything?

Mau tau? I just got home on July 29th, after having such crazily tiring days in a hotel where I (and other friends) had to study Economy non-stop for 7days! Everyday we had to study from 8am till 10pm. Isn't that crazy?

I cried, not only because I missed my home, but also because I'm stressed, too much pressure, and I'm seriously scared. Right at the moment, I think I can't feel anything. I don't know what to do, what to feel, and I'm just surrounded by emptiness. This is definitely the toughest phase in my life. I don't really like Economy. But I believe, Allah has brought me this far for a reason. I'm lucky, being selected to go this far when there are hundreds of pupils want to have it too.

I'm not medal-oriented. I know I won't take the free-pass to FEUI if I can get gold medal. FEUI is not my purpose. All I want is proof. I hope by doing this I can prove myself, make the smiles appear on my parents' faces with their thumbs up. Ahhhh I wanna cry!!!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow is the beginning of my scaring days. I'll be staying in a hotel for a week and during my staying I'll also have my olympiad. The olympiad test consists of 4 kinds of test. Multiple choice, Essay, The making of makalah & Presentation, Stock and Invention Games. Isn't that scary or what?

Hmm I don't know, I cannot study and I haven't packed my stuff. I always hate packing. Can someone do it for me? Hehehe please pray for me and wish me luck. I'm very scared and afraid (especially of the makalah & presentation, considering my lackness of knowledge in Economy). Good byeeeee :)