'But' and contradiction

Contradiction is a confusing word, as it explains a very confusing situation that may not be understandable. I happen to be very familiar with the word, because it may be the word I'd use if I have to sum up the behavior of all human-beings in this world. And with that being said, I can also say that contradiction is somewhat normal and common. Whose life isn't contradictory after all?

Okay, maybe using that word to generalize what happens in this world would be a hard task to prove. However, at least that's what I feel about what happens around me, or even more specific, what happens to me. And all of these things hit me when I ask myself; what exactly I want in life. I might have known the answer, I have memorized it until it automatically pops out in my mind every time that type of question is asked. And maybe you do, too. 

But, is it really your deepest desire? Have a moment of silence, think again, and ask the same thing to yourself all over again soulfully, and add the word "Really?" after you answer it for the second time. It doesn't matter whether the answer is the same or different. What matters is that you give yourself a moment to dive in a solitary space and reflect. You give yourself a permission to look deeper and see how what you do now can help you in achieving what you want. You give yourself the chance to find the contradiction you do or feel in every step that you take. 

And when I do all of those things, I realize that unconsciously I've used the word 'but' too many in life, whether as an excuse because I don't want to take the blame or as a permission for myself to give up. I wonder who actually invent and taught me the word 'but', because now I hate it. That word makes everything become more complicated than they already are, that word gives people reason to do the opposite, and that word gives room for contradiction to occur.